Monday, February 21, 2011


I find myself thinking about happiness a lot lately. I used to be trapped in a a sense which I mean I had a shallow unrealistic outlook on life. I thought everyone was happy and it was easy to see past problems and enjoy life. Part of this was because I've been brought up in a very good home and have had very little problems to deal with(Thank God) I never thought that other people might not have the same outlook or the same life. Which was pretty inconsiderate of me.

This all changed when I met a certain someone.He taught me to look into life differently and when I did that it hit me like a train, I saw the selfishness and ugliness in people, I saw all the terrible things in the world, and the emotions that people felt. It was horrible, but after a while it helped me to understand myself as I did the same with my own life. I started looking into the bad parts of myself. The selfishness and ugliness was in me too. And after a while I began to notice..I don't know myself or am very honest with myself either.

I noticed that happiness is harder to obtain than it seems. I thought if I had the perfect boyfriend, the nicest clothes, the friends, all the attention in the world it would satisfy that craving. It did for a while but then it goes again. It's not easy at all to obtain happiness. I realised You cant be happy or enjoy anything unless you're happy in yourself
It's a bizzare thought but I really think it's correct. When you're miserable it's impossible to enjoy anything.

I find my happiness in God, and I know this might not be every one's cup of tea but he has a huge influence on my happiness. When I started being honest with myself I couldn't console in my friends and family for fear of judgement but I could turn to God, he made me after all:) He knows my emotions far better than myself or anyone else. I knew I was safe with him and feeling safe is a very important part of relationships. He taught me to love myself, and that I'm loved every moment of the day. He gave me a security and I trust him with everything. Happiness is difficult to obtain and I don't know what will make me happy. But God does. He wont guide me wrong. The selfishness in me and ugliness in me that I'm ashamed of is OK and through love God will help me change that. I'm not perfect and that's OK! This phenomenal thought blows me away and fills me with the happiness I long for. God is the answer for me. The materialistic world we live in though can take over sometimes and I vear and get caught up with this whirlwind of a world and I forget about God and think "I don't need you, I'm happy and you're to difficult to stay close to" and everytime this happens I come back to him looking for forgiveness and I'm welcomed back into his biig huggable arms, he's a cuddly fella. So God,if you're reading this. Thank you, I know we havn't been talking much at the moment but I love you an awful lot and i'm excited to talk to you when I get into bed in a few moments.


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